Freaking White Guys ;)

Seriously. this is why i don’t date white guys. something is wrong with them. I actually clicked with this white guy i met at happy hour and I gave him a chance. and than he just blew me off after like 5 awesome dates – this was a month ago. I don’t really give 2 shits about him – its totally his loss but I am noticing that I don’t trust people’s word anymore – even some friends. I have become distrustful and suspicious of stupid things I shouldn’t be. I’m afraid that I’m going to continue to not believe what people say and end up writing off someone I truly do have a connection with.

This experience has just made me bitter. I am friends with all my ex’s. I’m the most disgustingly honest person ever. I love to know what I did wrong so I can grow from it and not make the same mistake again with someone else.

Being just up and dogged – never hearing from a guy again has to be the worst, most cowardly, disrespectful thing a guy can do. Seriously, I am left thinking I did something awful or something about me is terrible. My brain knows I’m awesome and this guy is just not ready for someone as great as me. But my girlie-heart wants to tell me stupid things because thats what us women do. UG.

Anyway. My point is – MEN, Just say “I don’t want this to work because _____________” I’m a big girl, I can handle the truth and appreciate it.

picking up the pieces

its taken a few months but i think the dust has settled. im picking up the piece of my life and ready to get back to business. i had a really bad flair up, mom mother fell and was taken to shock trauma, my “dating” life crashed and burned… just stress, stress, stress! but i’ve changed locations – i’m in Laurel living back with my parents. uhhhh.

PANIC

Well last night start around 4pm and going until about 6:30pm I had a massive panic attack. I haven’t had one that bad in years – like in college. Yuck Yuck Yuck. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t calm down, and there was no trigger. I took a mild sedative packed a bag and my cat and went to my parents. So here I am at their house, fuuuun. Not. I guess I’ll stay here tonight and tomorrow. We are going down to the beach for a family reunion so hopefully that will be a great break. Than when I get back, I will feel like going back to my house and if not, I can slowly move things over here. I have slowly started feeling paranoid and “unsafe” at my condo. I guess it was just a matter of time. 

Today I need to go to my weekly doctors appointment and than by tomorrow night I need to do laundry and pack for the beach, get my nails filled, get Beans some food, and look for a new bathing suit. Fuuuun.

Slowly Digging out of This Grave

So today I’m down 15.8lbs!!! YAY! Pools open Saturday – I’m “good enough” for a bikini. It will be very nice to just walk down the street, walk in the lap lane (maybe get in a few slow strokes), and of course get my tan on. I’ve got my 1st pool book already to go: Dead Until Dark. Charlotte Harris’s first book in the HBO True Blood series.  I’m not normally a science fiction reader but with Twilight and True Blood I reconsidered.

So I’ve been a busy bee straighten out my blogs. I’ve never blogged before March 09 and now I have 3, which I hope to earn a little income from with practice!

http://beanskitty.blogspot.com/

http://sexeducationx.wordpress.com/ 

My goal is to post to all 3 at least once a day… but bare with me.

My fibromyalgia has been bad the last few days but a little better today and hopefully a lot better tomorrow.

I have a 2nd date with the guy from Match.com that I went out to dinner with on Sunday night. We had a very nice time – a kiss at the end So we’ll see how tomorrow goes!

I just emailed PetConnect, the pet rescue I am getting a dog to foster from. It turned out she needed to be neutered but as long as it went well, she will be here Sat!! As soon as I hear back with a confirmation I’ll post a pic! I’ve never had a dog but think that she will be great therapy. I have to walk her 3x a day and her routine will be more complex than Beans the Cat. I think Beans will freak out the first day or 2 but he enjoyed playing with my ex’s full grown labs so hopefully a small dog about his side will be okay.  I think they’ll become great friends – Beans already loves to play fetch!

Have a great day… I’m off to my weekly doctors appointment.

Sunday Funday

Bikini season is right around the corner and I am down 13lbs. YAY! But its saying stagnant errr. I’d love to be down 20lbs by Memorial Day but thats a week away. I’ll just have to step my game up for this next week – Pools open this coming Saturday.  Than I will start swimming laps and hopefully have a great bikini body soon. Plus having a great tan makes you look thinner 

Tonight at 7, I have a date! Thank you match.com. We’re going to get dinner. He’s my age, working on his MBA, works for Dept of Defense (DOD – gov’t job), went to UMCP undergrad (where I went), live close enough (he’s probably about 20 miles away), is cute and YEEES he’s Asian. I’m 99% sure he’s Chinese. So I’m not excepting anything but a great evening. Hopefully we’ll see each other again (if I like him – hehehe)

I  heard from PetConnect (the place I’m going to foster a dog with) and they found me a chihuahua mix who is under 10lbs. I got all her info and said I would definitely take her. It sounds like she is coming this Sat unless she fails the vet check.

Alright, I planned on writing more but my Charlotte, NC girl called & and now its time to get ready for the date! 

Check back for juicy date details 

To date or not to date

So after a few years of being single, well technically not having a boyfriend, I think its time to start dating for real, for real. Too much energy has been wasted on guys that aren’t right. So where do you meet a great guy when you are stuck in bed with chronic pain? Oh the INTERNET! So I set up a match.com profile and I got a wink! A white guy who is a “true Christian” and has 3 kids who live away from home, although he is single not divorced (true Christan, eh? Let us not judge others.) There is lots wrong with that wink. Nothing on my profile would make you think I’m religious. Its also set to “no kids” is a must and it says I like Asian men… although I will be broadening that if I run out of match.com Asians. 

I’m worried that I don’t have the energy to get all dressed up and than do the whole 1st date thing but you never know until you try. I also feel like match.com has a lot of married or other deceptive people who aren’t really serious about a long term relationship but I guess that comes with any internet dating site. 

 What am I looking for? Really someone chill – a guy who will chill out with me, to go out to restaurants and the movies, run errands, be gym partners. Like a best friend who’s good in bed  I’m ready to be a girlfriend and doing sweet things. I’m ready to be in love. I really think that your partner should be the one person who has your back no matter what happens. The person you talk to when you need to blow off steam and the person who’s advice seems to make sense of everything. Someone I can do crossword puzzles with, discuss the news, laugh about inside jokes, and all that great stuff. Know anyone for me?