*Scream*

So when you get sick and doctors can’t give your a 100% confirmed diagnosis people try to help you out by forwarding you articles about people who have been diagnosed with a rare disease that you could have. It’s a very nice thought on their part because they are trying to be helpful and want nothing more to see you happy and healthy again. But I’ve been struggling since Thanksgiving with what to do with medications and honestly have stopped taking everything. Taking pills everyday and not being better gets old.

So today’s mystery disease was Addison’s disease, which is an adrenal insufficiency of the hormone cortisol and often the hormone aldosterone. Fun times. The symptoms are similar – extreme fatigue, excessive phlegm, nagging cough… blah blah blah BUT there is one interesting symptom – your skin darkens as if you have a nice sun tan… I don’t have that (I don’t think.) I can’t tell. I did notice the other day that I still had the tan lines on my butt, which is weird cause I’m not sure they were there a few months ago and I have not had a bathing suit on since Aug! I doubt it though. (Fun Fact – JFK and Eunice Kennedy Shriver had Addison’s)

Anyway, I’m not ready to go back on the doctor tour of testing. It’s pretty much equivalent to diving head first into the pavement.

So right now without meds I’m doing alright. I still take my trazadone at night to sleep because if I don’t sleep well my body cramps up and I have a bad pain day. I’ve stopped the medications that work by keeping increase amounts of serotonin and norepinephrine to calm the over active nerves signals that I have… but it isn’t a cure. It just dulls the pain and to be honest now that I haven’t been taking it, I really think that me learning my own boundaries and resting and not having to work and cook and clean and well basically not living a normal life.

Blah blah blah. I hate talking about this crap but if I don’t release I’ll ball it all up and stress out.

Rain and rheumatological illnesses don’t mix.

Ever since it starting raining 40 days ago, instead of building an ark, I have been trying to stay as pain-free as possible. Well, it isn’t working score one for fibromyalgia. Pain, fatigue, itchy rashes, hard to swallow food and medicine, trouble moving around, not being able to concentrate, and on & on. I know you all with arthritis, lupus, ms, and such are dying too if you’re in the DC area. April showers bring May flowers, not more rain. 

So I drove across Silver Spring, MD, without crashing into anyone, driving is so dangerous when I’m all fogged out, to see my rheumatologist today. Its time for physical therapy, sweet, this should be fun. I don’t really care about the pain anymore, if I just had pain I think I could deal. Its the whole feel like my mind is turning into mush. Where the therapy for that!? I’m on Adderall for it, even though there is a theory it will make your pain worse, and it is helping a little but not enough to live a normal safe life. 

So before this physical therapy Rx, I had contacted a dog rescue league to foster a small dog because I know that I need to be going to walks everyday to help strengthen my body.  I should be getting a dog this Saturday. The lady who is looking for small dogs for me says she has 3 different dogs and is waiting for their details and pics so I can pick one. This will be exciting and interesting! I’ve never had a dog and I have a big cat, Beans, who still has his claws. Beans has played with Labs before so I think he likes dogs. But thats why I fostered, incase it was a poor situation for either animal. I than can also help to give multiple dogs good adopted homes.

And she wants me to have a plan to return to the workforce the next time we meet in June. I doubt I can do any job in my field full time that will pay the same as the job I had to leave. I worked too hard to have a master’s by age 22 to send my life working part-time at hallmark for minimum wage. Plus, than I would just be living to work. I’d have to spend my evenings and weekends sleeping and relaxing. No, I will never live a life like that. I don’t want to drop dead one day and never enjoy my friends, family, and surroundings. Kiss my ass. I guess this business I’m trying to start needs to take off (check out blogs under the category “It’s All of Your Business.”) 

I know my doctor just has my best interest at heart. She doesn’t want me to become a shut in and honestly I do think I’ve developed a fear of working and failing (again) because of the fibro. I don’t want to try again and have to go through the pain of leaving and feeling that I’m broken and domed to not have a successful career. I’m going to start with volunteering in a life skills program for students who cannot earn a HS diploma because of disabilities, a passion of mine. I had just got my special education certification on top of my k-12 health education certification not to long before having to leave. This way I can still do want I’ve want to do my entire life but get my disability so I don’t have to live with my parents forever and struggle to pay my car payment. 

I’m sure a lot of you out there with chronic illnesses are going through or have gone through this. Feel free to vent on the comments, I feel better after getting this off my chest.